Do you get on the scale every morning looking for the magic number that’s going to make you feel happy? Do you let the number that shows up decide whether to have a good day? If the number is not the “right number”, do you get discouraged, hopeless, or angry?
This happens all too often. Women learn from a young age to associate their value, worth, and appearance to numbers on a scale. Think about this. These are numbers, just numbers, on a metal contraption telling us if we have value! The sad thing is, we believe it. Who gave these numbers such importance, such meaning?
Females are programed from the beginning about their appearance. They may get it from their mom, sister, or the media. “You got to be thinner, smarter, prettier” is the message playing everywhere. Along with that programming comes their self-esteem, value and importance. “If I am not thin and pretty, I must not be very valuable” is the story they start to believe.
What if that story is protecting them? What if being thinner and prettier challenges their safety? Many females have been abused and taken advantage of. Subconsciously they don’t feel safe to lose weight, it’s their protection, but consciously they beat them selves up for being too heavy. It’s an inner battle.
Does this sound familiar?
I have many wonderful female clients who I consider valuable and beautiful. They are striving to feel better, and a piece of that may be to lose some pounds. Instead of looking at how their energy and moods have improved, their skin has cleared, or pain lessened, they keep staring at the numbers on the scale.
I remind them “when their body feels safe and health has been restored, they will drop the extra pounds”. I also ask them if they have pooped, ate processed foods, are close to their monthly cycle, or drank enough water? Those will easily add 1-5 pounds on the scale.
Does having excess weight make these women less-than, worthless, or a failure? Of course not! Would you ever tell your daughter, niece, or granddaughter she’s not valuable if the numbers on the scale were higher than you thought they should be? I hope not.
When I was 17 my mom took me to the doctor and said, “why is she so fat”? Well, I didn’t know I was fat. I heard the disappointment in her voice, immediately I felt I was a disappointment, that I had failed her, and I was embarrassed! That feeling stayed with me for years. It followed me to college where I became anorexic. It was in me when I became a low-fat vegetarian and chronic exerciser. The story I believed was “the numbers on the scale are more important than me”.
I’ve done lots of years of healing in this area and understand it more clearly. I know deep in my heart all women are unique, special, and valuable no matter what their size, looks or background.
We need support here, so first start with yourself. Your children are your mirrors. They pick up everything you say, do and feel. If you are stepping on the scale every day and step off with a grumpy/pissy attitude, they will soon learn to do the same. When you complain about your clothes being too tight, looking in the mirror with a frown, or gossiping about others, your kids see this and will follow.
Start with today. Don’t step on the scale, don’t let numbers ruin your day, not even the numbers on your clothes. When negative thoughts fill your brain about yourself, dump them, don’t believe them or listen to them. Pay attention to where the beliefs came from, how they got into your head, and why you still believe them. Ask yourself if you feel safe, and where you may be protecting yourself. Start a journal, meditate and say affirmations. Be more aware of your thoughts.
Replace them with how great you are. How you are learning how to be healthy, more energetic and confident.
Remind yourself how your value does not have anything to do with the numbers on the scale.
What’s your thoughts about this?